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December 2005
In lieu
of flowers
Those
four simple words have heralded a sea change in the funeral industry,
reflecting our changing cultural values and wilting the bottom lines of
flower companies. But has this new preference for practicality come at
the expense of something just as important?
By JULIE LARRIVEE - GM Today Correspondent
Many obituaries and death notices these days ask the friends and family
of the deceased to make contributions to a specified charity or
organizatin instead of sending flowers to the funeral, and the funeral
homes and flower shops have both taken note.
"There
is definitely a reduction in flowers at funerals," confirms Blane
Goodman of Blane Goodman Funeral Service in Mequon. "It seems that
there has been an increase in asking for contributions since 9/11.
Other disasters, such as the tsunami and hurricanes, just make people
want to do good things with their money."
Craig
Plopper, funeral director with Mueller Funeral Homes in Grafton and
Cedarburg, adds, "There are more and more funerals where they ask for
donations. The simple fact is that many people think flowers are a
waste of their money. If someone does send something, it’s often a
green plant because those keep. Cut flowers just die so quickly."
Goodman
says an increase in the number of graveside funerals is another factor
that makes flowers less practical for those planning a funeral. "Due to
logistics and setup, it’s just not conducive to having flowers. In many
instances, the weather - cold or hot - contributes to the flowers not
lasting."
He
adds that another trend that has reduced the number of
floral arrangements is that certain religions are returning to more
traditional practices in which flowers are discouraged.
Steve Schramka with Schramka-Densow Funeral Home in
Thiensville says that the phrase "in lieu of flowers," doesn’t mean not
to send flowers. It just means that donations are another option.
"Please omit" is a request for no flowers. He remarks that some
families choose to say nothing so as "not to dictate how others express
their sympathy."
Plopper
also believes that families don’t intend to direct what people do to
offer their sympathy, but rather choose donations as a way of giving
guidance for something that will be appreciated.
Remembrances
are frequently earmarked for a favorite cause or concern of the
deceased’s. "Often
memorials are to a church, a school or favorite charity," shares
Plopper. "Often it’s toward something related to the person’s death
where the family would like to see money going toward that cause."
Families may specify more than one
charity so
that the person expressing sympathy doesn’t feel he must contribute to
a cause that he doesn’t personally support. "Many just say ‘donate to the charity of your choice’ which
is nice," Goodman says.
Nancy
Witte Dycus, owner of Fantasy Flowers in Thiensville, has been in the
floral industry for 30 years. She, too, has seen a change in funeral
practices.
"It
used to be that donations, other than perhaps to the person’s church,
were not common at all," she relates. "The amount of flowers we take to
funerals has dropped significantly. Now, it is more common, if someone
is sending flowers, for them to be delivered to a home."
There
are many who enjoy sending flowers and others for whom "this is the
only thing they know to do to express sympathy," Witte Dycus says.
Families who request no flowers might not understand the weight of that
decision.
"People
may not realize how important flowers are. They really do make people
feel better. Parts of the funeral can be distressing and having the
flowers there can be comforting," the Thiensville florist relates.
Schramka
agrees, "There’s this movement to become more and more pragmatic and
more rational about things. However, that comes at the risk of ignoring
some of our basic needs. Flowers are a metaphor for life. Flowers are
symbolic of our sympathy."
He
believes that there are events in life for which flowers are a crucial
component. "Can you think of a wedding without flowers?" he asks. "I
hope people really will consider why they are asking that there to be
no flowers at a funeral. There are just certain things - like flowers
at weddings and funerals - that are a part of life. They satisfy basic
human needs - historical, cultural and even biological needs - that we
have."
Witte
Dycus wonders if the choice for donations might also be a sort of
default decision for those planning the funeral.
"So often they’re confused and just don’t know what to do," she
relates. "They just can’t handle doing anything more. So, maybe it’s a
way for them to make one less decision."
This story appeared in the Ozaukee County News Graphic on
December 6, 2005
SOURCE: gmtoday
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